I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
