Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
