ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
