Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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