At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
