Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
