even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
