Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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