Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
