she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
