I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
