so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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