I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
