If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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