So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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