We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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