are you still at the devil's house?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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