drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
