I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
