please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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