Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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