No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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