why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
