3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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