Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
