So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
