She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
