I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
