My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
