So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
