Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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