well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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