Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize