we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
