shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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