Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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