so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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