Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
