WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
