And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
