My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
