Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
