They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
