This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
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I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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