She went from zero to smokin in five shots
People in love make me want to vomit
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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