Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
