I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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