We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
