It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
