It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You pole danced in your parka.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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