Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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