dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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