You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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