This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
