he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize