i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
