If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
