Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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