you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Randomize
