Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
