I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize