I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
