My balls are so social today.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
