I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
